Personality defect flows freely
 
Profile 

Surname: Dell 

Forname: Ben 

AKA: Shorty 

Criminal Convictions: 

- Obsessive applying of aftershave 

- Excessive email usage 

WANTED: 

- By research doctors
 
 
 
The 'Virtically Challenged'
Ben Dell
 
 
 Criminal Record: 

Anger or ‘strange condition’ 

A recent TV documentary has revealed Dell as a cruel, vain and heartless southerner. On a recent trip to Ireland Dell stayed at a small family run B&B where the locals have described him as 'a rude and arrogant yobo with no control over his heartless mouth, to be sure' 

On a day out with his girlfriend to an Irish funfair Dell was refused access to 'the tunnel of love' on grounds that he wasn't with a parent or guardian. The dismayed  Dell later tried gaining access to 'the main attraction' of the funfair only to be turned away because he didn't meet the height regulations. The fair, asked to comment and Patrick McDonald provided us with this statement: 
 

Is this man 'dangerous'?		 "Dell was lucky that he was even given access to the fair, admittedly there were a few problems. We can only apologise for the misunderstanding. We were surprised however that he turned down our offer of a free ride on the tea cups."

Dell left the grounds of the fair in a fit of rage. It is reported by eye witnesses that Dell stopped a passing lepracorn, held him up against a  wall and screamed 'I'm taller than you mate'. 

Following suspicions of an ‘unstable nature’ Dell has recently been ‘watched’ for further signs of  what the authorities call ‘uncommon indications of madness’.
On analysis of these ‘assessments’ Dell has been labelled a ‘psychopath in the making’. Psycho-analysers are baffled by the apparently ‘new’ condition of the mind which Dell seems to possess.

‘The condition makes the victim always want to be at the centre of attention. In displays itself in various forms, such as an obsession with fashion, women [other peoples women] and wearing greasy hair styles. It’s worrying, very worrying’

The above comment was voiced by Prof Ivor Got on the popular program Panorama which will be shown on the 14th  July 1999.

© Copyright The Mad Cow Media Corporation 1998, 1999